I Can't Believe I Dun That
By Keith Dotterer
Volume 1 Tall Tales About The Humorous Hunter Number 10
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Chapter 9: Cletus Raye always had a kind heart. One spring, his neighbor, Newton, along with Lucas, his son,
approached him about, joining the group, going to deer camp that fall. For some years now, each fall, Cletus
would head to an adjacent state for a week of deer hunting. During the first few years , it was with just a friend
or two, or sometimes he hunted by himself. As his success began to come more frequently, so did the number of
people that wanted to join the party. Being the good old boy that he is, his typical answer was, “Sure, why not,
one more won’t hurt.”
Newton and his son did not possess any firearms and as Cletus was soon to find out, nor the skills to use
them. This left Cletus with some serious doubts about including them on the roster, that upcoming fall. After
some lengthy discussions, Newton, on Cletus’s advice, purchased a bolt action rifle in the .243 Winchester
caliber. Cletus had a 22-250 Remington that he would allow Lucas to borrow. Hand loaded with the heaviest
bullet available, it made a satisfactory deer rifle, as Lucas was rather small for his age and was not used to
recoil. The next step was to set up targets on the range that Cletus had at his home. He had a 50, 100 and 200
yard backstops for any type of shooting necessary.
The first day of teaching the finer points of shooting, to his neighbors, was an experience Cletus was not
likely to ever forget. He sat Newton down at his shooting bench, explained very patiently, how to squeeze the
trigger ever so gently, all the while, keeping the crosshairs centered on the target. A 3 foot square target set at
the 50 yard distance was a good place to start. With Newton resting the rifle on sandbags, Cletus gave him the
go ahead to squeeze off the first round. Looking through the spotting scope, no bullet hole was visible, must be in
one of the black rings, Cletus thought to himself. Four more rounds followed the first, and after walking to the
target, Cletus was shocked, when he realized, not one of the 5 rounds had hit the oversize target. What have I
got myself into, Cletus groaned to himself, how can you miss that big of a target at this distance. After setting
Newton back down, Cletus worked the bolt action of the .243 and handed it to him with an empty chamber.
Newton, thinking he had a live round in the gun, prepared for the next shot. The loud click of the firing pin,
falling on an empty chamber, was accompanied by a violent jerk, as Newton was anticipating the recoil. Cletus
just shook his head, this is never going to work. It is going to be a long summer.
With the patience of Job, the next month slowly brought results. Finally, the neighbors were keeping their
shots on the paper. As the summer wound it’s way toward fall, Cletus instructed Newton and his son to do some
varmint hunting to prepare them for shooting live targets. This seemed to be the right move, as eventually
several woodchucks fell to the neighbors attempts. Cletus was starting to feel a little better about the whole
situation and as more woodchucks bit the dust, he actually was feeling proud of himself. I really have these boys
on track, to nail a deer.
The next step was to make sure they had all the right equipment, warm clothing, good boots etc. A list was
prepared and in due time, Newton proudly announced, they were all set, with all the right things. Cletus’s chest
actually swelled somewhat, as he thought to himself, you are pretty good teacher after all.
November rolled around and it was time to head for the big woods and deer camp. This year the number in
camp would be 10, the most ever. Arriving and getting the campers and tents all set in place was accomplished, a
cheery blaze was crackling, as they all sat around the fire, discussing where they would hunt in the morning.
Other than his neighbors, they had all hunted there before and knew where they wanted to be, come opening
light. Cletus told Newton, “ I know a real good spot for you, I will drop you off on the way to my stand. I will
have your son share my stand, that way, somebody experienced, will be with him, when he gets his first deer.”
Stars sparkled in the cold, dark sky and snow crunched under their boots, as they wound their way through
the woods to their appointed places. When they arrived at the spot for Newton, Cletus gave him last minute
instructions, saying you can’t get lost, with the snow, just follow the tracks back to camp. He and Lucas
proceeded on to the point of a ridge and climbed into their stand. In the darkness, Cletus whispered to Lucas, in
order to be fair and eliminate any confusion, any buck that comes through on your side, you shoot and I will do
the same on my side. As light slowly started to filter it’s way through the woods, a cold wind began to blow. The
temperature also seemed to be dropping, making Cletus shiver. Soon another issue came to Cletus’s realization,
in spite of all his instructions, the clothing and boots that Lucas had on were in no way sufficient, and his partner
was shaking like a leaf in a gale. Lucas had a hand warmer in his pocket along with a plastic bag and each time
he reached in his pocket, the ice cold plastic bag rattled like the sound of a herd of buffalo walking on potato
chips. Cletus was going nuts, after about the tenth time of this racket, Cletus turned to tell him, to set still and
cut the noise, when he spotted a buck coming through the trees on Lucas’s side. He quickly whispered to his
partner to get ready to shoot, then kept his eyes glued to the buck. When the buck stopped about 40 yards
broadside, he quietly urged his companion, shoot, shoot, shoot. No shot came. When it started to leave, Cletus
glanced at Lucas and was amazed to see him frozen, staring straight ahead. Quickly Cletus raised his rifle to
shoot, but the buck had just disappeared over the side of the ridge. Thirty seconds later a rifle cracked from
another hunter, telling him, it was useless to follow that buck. He turned to Lucas and yelled, “What were you
thinking, you had the perfect chance.” Lucas just stared at him, shivering, not saying a word. By now his lips
were turning blue. Cletus thought he had better shut up before he really got carried away, so he turned back to
keep a close eye on his side, in case a buck tried to slip by. Lucas continued his shivering, shaking and after
about an half an hour, asked Cletus if it was OK for him to get down and walk around to warm up. Cletus was so
upset at the morning’s events so far, he didn’t even look at Lucas, let alone answer him. After a few minutes of
strained silence, Lucas proceeded to climb down, then started wandering around in the head high laurel, that
covered the forest floor, near the stand. Another hour passed, with Lucas coming and going all around the stand,
by now Cletus had totally given up on the fact of having any chance to get a shot at a deer. When Lucas started
coming up to stand, yelling up at him, “What do you want me to do now?” Cletus just turned his head the other
way in exasperation. Lucas arrived at the base of the tree the stand was located in, still trying to elicit an answer
from Cletus. All of a sudden, Cletus saw a buck bounding through the laurel heading straight in his direction. He
saw the buck was going to pass within 30 yards. Lucas was still hollering at him, when he was deafened by the 2
shots Cletus fired from his 30-06 at the streaking deer. Much to Cletus’s relief, the buck piled up and his hunt
was over. When he started to lower his rifle to the ground, he saw Lucas, who had not seen the deer and had no
idea what was going on, huddled at the base of the tree sobbing. Ignoring the bewildered hunter, Cletus hustled
over to the fallen deer, just to make sure it was not going anywhere. With his conscience starting to kick in,
Cletus came back to his companion to calm him with an apology. As he approached, Lucas moaned, “I know I
ruined your hunt today and you must really hate me. If you are going to shoot me, make it quick and painless.”
Cletus stared at the poor boy and then started laughing, “I wasn’t shooting at you, it was the buck that is lying
over there.” In his distressed state, Lucas muttered to himself, “Not only am I going to be shot, but it is going to
be by a lunatic.”